BigBlog

Been a long time since I got things of my chest , time to do it again.

Where to start? I keep forgetting to update the blog. Not really my thing but it helped through bad times. 

Well first things first. Internet dating sites are very depressing. The women on these sites are there for a reason! They are too picky , they want all these ideals in the one man and end up wasting opportunities because the man they want is "out there"somewhere. A mix between Sir Lancelot,Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Gorden Ramsay and Billy Conolley.... they all seem to be looking for their Knight in Shiny armour. Waiting for an ideal that doesn't exist and passing up good men because they don't measure up. 

One lady i sent a hello to who gave a brusk "no thanks" , looked at my profile about 10 times in the next 5 months!!! I am no oil painting, but Ladies neither are most of you. Lets face it if you were all supermodel material you wouldn't be there! 

A site that is supposed to be Australian but is just a small portion of the American site was the most frustrating. Not only did I get a constant stream of Americans but also from several other countries around the world. Even after ticking the box for "contacts only in Australia".

Do you know the funniest thing though? Most of them were in there low to mid 20's very flattering to a 47 year old man.. a lot of provocative photos for the profiles, not sure how some slipped through the vetting process. Very bad English skills too . Worse than mine. I kept getting the impression that these "Ladies "would be my friend at an hourly rate if you get my drift!

Well, despite all the bad and the several times I wanted to quit as it was depressing . More money for stamps more no's a couple of "coffee's" awkward pauses in conversation, half promises to call.  If only I was taller, richer, more handsome...... shallow that's the word I was searching for. I thought it was supposed to be the guys that were shallow? 

Despite all the odds against me I think I have found someone I can get along with. We seemed to hit it off right from the start. No awkward pauses in conversation, a surprising amount of thing in common. We seem to have done the same things, at different times and in different places but it gave us a base to start with. Its early days yet and I am not looking for anyone to move in again. that's a long way off if ever.... and a big bonus as the kids seem to like her. They got on really well last weekend.

This weekend is our first weekend away together. A friend of hers is having a birthday party in Goondiwindi, QLD.  Looking forward to it. Life seems to be better than it has for a long time. I bought a second hand Canon 30D DSLR. going to enjoy the drive and take some pictures again. See if I can take a decent photo.....

Well there you have it. My big news. 

 Even though the ex broke our marriage and made the decision to leave, I still had a moral issue breaking my side of the marriage vows. Silly isn't it? but there you go ! I suppose to be honest I think I felt that she might still want to come back and that if I had also betrayed the marriage there would be no chance. There never was a chance of her coming back but deep down we still hope , hopelessly. 

shes not going to come back. its all too easy for her , her decision to go her decision to listen to some lying prick neighbour. well that affair went well didnt it? when it hit the fan he told her to deny everything. well hes stuffed now i made sure his wife found out!! dont care she had a right to know the little prick had done it again!! but why pick on my wife!!!  if you have read any of this you know what has been going on.

in some ways i am glad shes gone. i do miss her or is it the companionship i miss? anyway its too late for that a few weeks ago my daughter slipp and said "mums friend david" the gutless cow couldnt even tell me , but what pisses me off more is the position she put my kids! did she expect them to lie and cover up for her? she used to have a saying "the power of the pussy" damn she was right... lifes all fine and dandy for her. picked this dude up in a Bunnings!! god she has it easy. discards me like a soiled nappy and then within weeks of this failed affair shes at it again!! 

im just feeling down, was my weekend for the kids and we had a good time. took them home and now i just feel empty. where is this light at the end of the tunnel? I seem just to exist to pay bills and wait till it is my weekend again! filling in time with meaningles stuff. want to know what depression is? put yourself up on a dating website! wait for all the rejections to come in. im 5'6" not tall not short. look at all the 5"3" women all demand5'10" and taller? ok im no brad pitt but im not too ugly... its not like im being picky and goinf for young beautiful women.. i had a coffee with someone the other day then a week later she emails back saying "no chemistry" what? were 48 darling not 18.. chemistry is overrated!!! it doesnt last anyway... otherwise i wouldnt be in this situation now!!!! anyway enough of me venting... just a bit down DEFINITELY NOT suicidal!!! so if anyone actually bothers with this dont worry... im not expecting anyone to  this is just a place for me to get things off my chest!!!!  long time between drinks.. will post more regularly if i remember..lol or need to scream in silence. 

this rambled a bit but i need to purge it... been too long and cant bottle it up. dont have any friends to cry on their shoulder so i am crying on the "nets"shoulder as it were...lol

well, its been a week now and i think i have been over to her house every night. As well as seeing her during the day to move stuff. i know she hasnt got all the stuff she wants or needs and there is no rush to get it all out. but tonight was going to be the first night i was completely alone. Then the ph rings. she wants to go shopping and our son doesnt want to go , can i come over and look after him while she shops?? well that was at 6:15 pm and its now 10:13 as  i write and i just got home.... 

This leaves me with mixed emotions. I did not want the split in the first place. It was all from her side. so if she wants to be "just a mother to her children" why is she seeming to use any excuse for me to come over? I sort of dont mind cause i get to be around her and keep the contact up. but i do mind cause i also need to be getting my life together in case she doesnt want to come back. I guess how can she miss me if i am always there? but maybe she does miss me already and thats why all the visits? but is she missing me or missing being able to offload the kids to me? I love my kids and want to spend time with them but this isnt any good for them either. things seem the same the only difference is we sleep in two houses instead of one...Part of me wants to be there because i miss her terribly and part of me is annoyed that i cant get on with what little life i have left. 

Now its the weekend and we have to vote. She left her voter letter here so there is another excuse to come back. then we have some computers and desks to move to her house. Optus is comming in the afternoon to install ph and internet... seems my weekend "off"is going to be spent over her place again. ext weekend i am not on call so i will have the kids here. i bet she doesnt come over all weekend!!!! time will tell i suppose. 

Well its been a while. started moving furniture into the house only to stop and wait for a pestcontrol guy to come tomorrow. Fridge is in , lounge chairs and lounge. Most importantly for her most of her craft stuff is there now...lol . Her desk and scrapbooking stuff. No beds yet so they are still sleeping here and i am still sleeping on a foam mattress on the tiled concrete floor!

The Tv and my sons Playstation are there so hes fine. its just this limbo thing... not moved out but not here either. Each evening after work we take a few more things but nothing major. Have to wait for the pest control guy to spray. Also place some bait for the mouse that thinks its sharing the house. Sneaky things mice, two traps and peanut butter on them and it licked them clean and did not set the traps off!! damn...

Things are strange. sometimes its like we always were before the "troubles"... we get on great, then after a few days its like she needs to start something to justify moving out?? go figure. I realise that i let her slip away as much as she pushed everything away from herself, family , me etc... lets hope the kids dont suffer . i dont think she will let it happen but she still hasn't fully moved out and had to deal with them on her own. 

I have had to buy a new TV and microwave. when she takes the kitchen stuff i suppose i will have to buy even more.... i get the old cutlery...lol she bought a new set from IKEA a couple of days ago.she took the dinner table and chairs . so i had to buy 4 new chairs. we had a spare table... gotta love those IKEA chairs. lol   Got a big empty lounge upstairs now but i dont think i will rush out to fill it. I think i will be spending most of my time downstairs with the Tv and my Guitars and computer.... just go upstairs to sleep. Which reminds me i have to buy a new mattress too. she can have the queenize bed and new mattress we just bought.. damn thing was too hard for me anyway. i get the old wooden double bed frame back so i still need to get a double bed matress..... more expense... any speaking of bed its after 1 am so i should sign off till next time.....

well fun and games over the weekend. we pruned the garden and cleaned a bit took the curtains down and washed them. two trailers of green waste to the dump. At least we didnt have to pay for it. lawn mowed. not a lot more to do as no electricity remember?

Monday morning came and went ...no energex... monday afternoon still no energex... about 3:30 pm i tell her to ring intergral to find out whats going on. i cant do it its not in my name. lesson one for her. chase up your own problems. i cant do it for you anymore. so what happens? but half way through the conversation guess who turns up? Yes Energex. First thing they say they have to do is a saftey check... go through the house ,check all powerpoints are safe. one ceiling fan was a worry to them. you could see the terminal block for the power. so i get the step ladder and adjust the cover... no problem. Next drama is the hotwater system wiring. seems that the hot water system is 3.6Kw and the wiring is 1.5 mm. concerns from energex that it wont take the current. a few calls and its ok. so in goes the fuse to the powerpole and then straight back out again. Why? The main power switch is arcing and the switch is melting!!! A quick call to the real estate and they say they have to contact the owner.Now we are thinking we will have to wait a few more days for this to be fixed... so we are waiting for a reply from the real estate agent and this work ute pulls up a guy gets out and heads for the fuse box. Guess what ? He was on his way home and didnt live too far away!! our first bit of good luck. new main switch, fuse back in pole cause Energex were still filling out their " form 3 " which he had threatened us with a few times.  WE HAVE POWER. so now she can finish cleaning and we can start moving in her furniture. no rush just the basics at first , beds,fridge,freezer,dining table lounge chairs the TV and playstation...going o be a hard slog over the next few days. lets see what else she wants to take......